From the very beginning, pregnancy is experienced
differently for men and women. Women go through physical changes (hello
boobies!), emotional changes (hello mood swings) and that oh my gosh, I’m going to be a mom, there is a thing growing inside me,
my life is forever changed moment when she finds out she’s pregnant. It
doesn’t matter if the pregnancy was planned, unplanned, unexpected or even
lost, every woman has a moment, even if just for a minute, where she feels a
hundred different emotions flood her mind, from elation to terrified and back
again. Now for men, it can’t possibly be the same for them. For one thing,
they’re not the one’s carrying the baby. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve known plenty
of men who were so emotionally sensitive and connected with their partner’s
pregnancy that it seemed they themselves were in fact the one’s carrying the
baby, it is impossible for them to really, truly understand what it’s like to have another life growing inside of
them.
I understand that men feel all heaps of emotions when
finding out they’re going to be a father for the first time or again. I believe they also have a
moment when they are flooded with loads of emotions, and how extremely
overwhelming that must be for them because they are not the ones carrying the baby. But let’s just get one thing
straight; no matter how in tune or understanding or emotionally supportive a
partner is, he will never truly understand what it feels like to have postpartum depression. Never.
Postpartum Depression or PPD sucks. It sucks for everyone
involved. The new mother, her partner, the baby, any other kids in the house,
close relatives, friends, neighbors…and the list goes one. Why? Because every
person a women with PPD has contact with is effected. What’s worse is that she
might not even be aware she’s in ‘crazy hormonal dump land’-or as I like to call it, the crazy train-until she’s out. And
unfortunately men will never
understand what it’s like to have PPD because men don’t have babies and they
don’t get dumped all over with hormones after the sweet babes are born. Plus, and this is kind of sad but I
really don’t think women understand PPD until experiencing it for themselves.
I’ve seen PPD expressed through anger, guilt, stress,
anxiety and straight up depression. Most of the time women don’t talk about
their experience with PPD until the train is long gone. I know for me, I was
embarrassed and ashamed with how I acted, having never talked about it with
anyone.
PPD was different with my first two pregnancies. My first trip
on the crazy train was about 16 months post partum. It was a dark and lonely
place where a sad, emotionless version of me lived. I couldn’t find anything
good in my life, nothing made me happy, and I couldn’t stand my husband (sorry
babe). The only thing getting me up in the morning was my daughter; barely. I
wanted to leave everyone and everything behind and just run away… from what, I
still don’t know. And this lasted for about four months. I still shutter when I
think back to that time because it was so. not. me. I ended up going to see my
OBGYN since I had recently stopped nursing, and he asked me how I was feeling. I
told him honestly how the last few months had felt to me (not knowing any
differently) and he suggested I change my birth control pills since that could
help the way I was feeling. I did as he suggested and within a month, I noticed
a huge change in my mood. Like, the clouds cleared, the angels came out to sing,
and everything was bright and shiny again change.
I started to look back at the previous months and realized I had been in a dark
place, unknown by me at the time.
My second time on the crazy train couldn’t have been more
different. My PPD expressed itself in the form of extreme anxiety; like, I
physically couldn’t leave the house because of fear of the outside world
(agoraphobic much!) and how it would affect both kids. This anxiety
didn’t kick in until about three months post partum and it was extremely inconvenient.
Where as it wasn’t a dark place like the first time around, I was plagued with
the most intense panic attacks when leaving the house and in a constant state
of fear over the safety of my children. And once I started to feel a little better, I
began having panic attacks over the safety and well-being of myself. I had written
‘to-do’ journals for my husband in case something happened to me, and left
detailed notes all over the house so life wouldn’t have to change if I was no
longer around. Thankfully, this phase didn’t last as long and with help talking
to my mom and husband was able to get back to my normal. Looking back, it makes
me sad to think I was like that, so scared and feeling so helpless in the
world.
I’ll be honest, I’ve yet to go through any extreme form of
PPD since the birth of my son earlier this year and I’d be lying if I said the
thought of going through it doesn't scare me. But I think it's important for women who have given birth to be able to talk about what they're going through without being judged or mistreated, and without the fear of embarrassment or feeling ashamed. Also, it's very important for a new mom to know that she is most definitely not alone.
With my 3rd child my husband took me in for my 6 week checkup. My dr gave me the little test thing. She glanced at it then looked my husband straight in the eyes and said if she doesn't make an appointment today, on Monday you are to drive here there and wait until she can be seen. Rocked my world! Definitely a blessing in disguise because I continued to see this therapist for 2 1/2 years and worked through a very traumatic childhood. In the last trimester of my 4th pregnancy we actually set up an emergency plan. Thankfully I didn't have to use it. However a few years later, long story short, I was diagnosed bipolar with psychotic tendencies. Mental health is no joke! I am so thankfully that it is finally seen as socially acceptable to discuss these things. I suffered more than 15 years in silence because I was afraid of being put in a hospital. I didn't even go there with my first therapist because I was so scared. Motherhood is hard enough, we all just need to support one another!
ReplyDeleteI have never suffered from this either, but think it great that you are trying to shed some light on it to help others. I could not imagine how difficult it must be for them, and would love to help any one who is suffering from it. Thanks for sharing what a great post!
ReplyDeleteI didn't have postpartum depression but I had antepartum depression. It was scary and upsetting because I was an emotional mess. I hated that I was so grieved all the time and overwhelmed that I had no idea what was wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
xoxo