Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The 'Un'invitation: What would you do?


So, my daughter turned eight last September and we had the most amazing Frozen party at our house. She wanted to invite all the girls in her class, which I said was totally fine since including my daughter, was nine girls. Only problem was this one girl in the class that Heidi just didn't get along with. (I say didn't because we've since moved). Being that the class was small and I didn't want to be that mom, I told H to suck it up and invite this girl anyways. 

Well, que to the week before the party and H coming home in tears because said girl told her that her party was going to be stupid, everyone was going to hate it, and that she only wanted to go to the party so she could stand outside the door and tell everyone to leave (as if I'd let that happen!). 

I explained *calmly* to H that this girl was just trying to upset her and not to take it too personally...how could she not, right? I mean, I was taking it personally! H begged me not to let this girl come, saying she made her feel uncomfortable. Well, hello?! Talk about feeling uncomfortable. I didn't want my child to feel bad at her own party but I also didn't want to have to un-invite this girl either. Especially since she would be the only girl in this very small class not attending.

Long story short, I ended up emailing the mother of the girl and explaining the whole situation, and boy did I feel like crap after. The mother was understanding of why I was un-inviting her daughter and didn't seem to take it as hard as I was... and still am. The party was a success and everyone has since moved on and not looked back. We've even moved from that school and are not in contact with that family anymore. But I still think about what that girl might have felt not being able to go to the Frozen party, and wondering if I made the right call.

Would you have done the same thing if your child came to you with a similar situation? Am I a completely horrible person/mom for not letting one girl come to the party?

Thoughts please! 



16 comments:

  1. Phew...that's a tough call. I think you made the right call as far as contacting the mom. I wonder if there was a way for the mom to talk to her daughter about how inappropriate her behavior was, have her apologize to your little girl and try to have her come to the party. That being said, it sounds like mom knows she has a little girl that needed to learn a lesson. You handled the situation as well as it could be handled. All you can do is connect with the parent and then move forward.

    I'm glad the party turned out well. I've had a little girl practically ruin my youngest dd's party--except this girl had been a close friend of my daughter for a while. Sigh.

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    1. I have found that it is just so hard with girls this age. Some are so mean... I was lucky the mom was willing and understanding enough to work with me in this situation. Thank you for sharing and have a nice weekend! xx

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  2. My daughter recently chose to go ahead and invite a girl that has always been mean to her, but is now forcing herself into my daughter's group of friends, to her birthday party. I was proud of her for taking the high road even though a number of her friends grumbled about it. She is 14, though, so I made her make the choice herself and handle it. These expereinces are awkward in the moment but help our kids develop!

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    1. Thank you for sharing. Your daughter seems very wise and you should be proud. I'm not looking forward to the teen years because I feel like if the drama is already starting now, what will it be like then?? Have a great night. xx

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  3. That's definitely a tough call, but you handled it perfectly. The fact that the parent of said girl was supportive was great. I would agree with Marie. It sounds like the parents knew she needed to be taught a lesson about being kinder to others. You're not a horrible mom. Like most situations, we moms do what we have to do for the well-being of our child. And you made the right call.

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    1. Thank you. After all was said and done, I feel like I made the right call. But during the situation I was so worried about how everyone was feeling. I would never want to hurt another child. Have a great night! xx

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  4. I think you handled that very well. No bully should be allowed to upset your child on her special day. I hope the mom you contacted explained to her daughter how that kind of behavior was not acceptable.

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    1. I know they talked about it but at that point, I know she was having trouble with other students. She really needed someone to tell her that it was not ok to talk to/treat others the way she had been. And I'm glad her mom was supportive. Have a good night! xx

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  5. I think you made the right call. It's your daughter's special day and should be given the choice of who she should open her home up to. What you did was strong and in your child's best interest. She will remember it and appreciate it for the rest of her life. =)

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    1. Thank you, I hope she does. It was a good way for me to show my daughter that I have her back. Have a nice weekend! xx

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  6. That is a tough call! I'm glad the other mom was understanding…because some moms can be bullies too and that would make it really awkward. My daughter will be seven next month and I'm thinking we will keep her party small. #ManicMondays

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    1. Yes, small parties at this age is way better in my opinion. Thank you for sharing and have a great night! xx

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  7. Wow, that's a tough situation! You don't want your daughter to be sad or anxious at her own party. And it's kind of a good life lesson for that girl too... if you're mean to people, you don't get invited to things. Still, it's awkward and it sounds like you handled it really well by contacting the girl's mom. What a stressful addition to your event! Thanks for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop!

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    1. It was stressful and I still feel bad (even though we will never see them again as this was when we were living in Switzerland still). But I had to defend my daughter on her birthday. Thank you for stopping by!! xx

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  8. Definitely a difficult situation. I am not sure what I would have done. I try to encourage my daughter to be inclusive, but jeez it is her party, you don't want her to be miserable!
    At least the other Mom was gracious!

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    1. If it were me, I would have sucked it up and not left the girl out...but my daughter was so upset over the whole thing. I had to respect her wishes. Some one was going to get hurt no matter what, unfortunately. Have a great weekend! xx

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