Thursday, February 19, 2015

When your child Doesn't turn out the way you Pictured...but Does turn out the way you'd Hoped


When I was pregnant with my first child in early 2006, I was a naive 20 year old with no idea what I was in for as a mother. When I found out I was having a girl at 20 weeks along, I was over the moon and visions of a snow-white haired, blue eyed, little angel baby in my arms danced in my head night after night. I pictured her wearing tutus and big bows in her hair; I pictured us having girls days, complete with getting a Starbucks and having mani-pedis. I pictured us staying up late chatting about life, and her being one of my best friends, at least while she was still young enough to think of me as her best friend. And don't even get me started on how I saw a future genius, Harvard Business School graduate growing in my belly.

This is not what happened.

First of all, my daughter has big brown eyes and dark blonde hair, which didn't even start to grow until she was about 2 years old. Cue my disappointment when bows were not an option on my bald baby. And forget about tutus, that lasted all of a month before she decided shorts and t-shirts were her thing. Granted, now that she is nearly 10 and can shop with me, she has started wearing dresses and glitter and sparkle; maybe a little too much sparkle.

And those mani-pedi dates I was looking forward to? Yeah, those still haven't happened. Instead when I ask her if she wants to have a "date" with mommy she ends up wanting to go get a smoothie or do something active, only to be cut short because she wants to get home in time to play outside with her friends. I guess nails and pampering just isn't her thing. 

Oh and the close-knit, best friends, she loves me more than daddy relationship I was hoping for, that didn't happen either. She is the truest form of a 'daddy's girl'. It doesn't matter if he is in the worst mood or busy {not giving her the time of day} and I'm available, she begs to be with him and would choose him any day over me. 

What was I thinking when I thought I could picture a life with my daughter before I met her? Did I really think just because I was her mother I could shape her into exactly the child/girl/woman I wanted her to be? Granted, I lay the foundation for the people my children will be in society, but as children, it is not so easy to bend a child's strong will into whatever I want. 

They are who they are and they're going to be who they're going to be. It is my job as their mother to teach them the foundations, morals, ethics, rules, laws of the world so that they can survive as the people they are and choose to be. It is my job to provide them with faith, comfort and safety, to show them love and compassion, empathy and sympathy. It is my job to always be there for them, no matter what, and to let them know that forgiveness, hope, and desire are important and special traits to encompass. 

My daughter has my big brown eyes and my deep blonde hair, and she is beautiful. She has her father's outgoing spirit and is way more daring and free-spirited than I could ever be. She has her own unique style that represents her and how she's feeling. She learns at her own pace and will success with my help and become something great, I know this. 

I have taught her respect, and to tidy up, even though she would rather not. She's compassionate to her brothers, is a lover of all creatures, and a friend to everyone. She's the life of the party when I couldn't be. She doesn't care what anybody thinks and is secure with who she is. She might not be what I had imaged because she is so different than I ever was; I had never met anyone like her. In most cases, she's the side of my personality that I don't utilize enough, and for this I'm grateful and a bit in awe. She may not have turned out {thus far} how I pictured her in my head, but she is shaping out to be a person I really admire and am pleased to have the gift of calling my daughter. 


26 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. My daughter is a daddy's girl too, but he encourages mani and hugs. She also turned out beautiful with blond hair and hazel green eyes, only because she takes after him. I enjoyed reading your post.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, it is interesting how we think our daughters will be like us/want to be like us but when they don't, it turns out so wonderful! Thank you for reading! xx

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  2. Nice post. They are indeed their own person...

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  3. I identified with some of what you shared here as my oldest daughter is a daddy's girl. However, my youngest is all about mama.The most important thing is that they know they're loved by both of you.

    Lovely, sentimental post.
    xoxo

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    1. I couldn't agree more...as long as they feel all the love we have for them, it doesn't really matter who they identify with/want to be around more. Thank you!! xx

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  4. This is so true, I think as parents we all have a vision of what are kids are going to be like. I always call it wrong every time lol. My husband jokes with me all the time because I have this habit of guessing their personality based on how they act within their first few weeks of life. Turns out, this is not a good indicator. My four boys all have their own unique personalities, and none of which I could have imagined, but isn't the element of surprise so wonderful?!? Thanks for sharing! #shinebloghop

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    1. Lol I've called it wrong each time too! I also think that how they are as babies is how they'll be as older kids...you're right, not so true! Thank you for stopping by! xx

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  5. Lovely read! So honest and raw =)

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  6. This is very true. Sometimes we have dreams of what our children could be, but I love the acceptance of what you found your daughter is. Well-done!

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  7. Beautiful post. Our children will not be exactly what we wish they will be. But we can teach them how to become beautiful young men and women. Have a great weekend!

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    1. You are very right! I just want my kids to be healthy, happy and good people. Thank you for reading. xx

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  8. Lovely read! I love the fact the Tubblet is her own little person #allaboutme

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    1. Thank you! I love that you call her Tubblet!! xx

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  9. That was so sweet :) Thanks for sharing on the (mis)Adventures Mondays Blog Hop!

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  10. I love this post so much! So much love in it!
    :-)
    Traci

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  11. Lovely post! I was told my oldest son was going to be a girl so no, he's not really how I pictured him either! ;)

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  12. None of my kids turned out as I pictured. They are so much better. So much smarter and funnier and kinder and flawed than I ever could have imagined and I love them all the more for it!

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  13. I so understand this! I imagined my son would be born with a full head of curly hair, but nope. nothing until like two years old. LOL On the other hand I was worried he would be out in the garden digging in mud and bringing me snails and frogs, thankfully that hasn't happened either. He's a great mix of my husband and I and just perfect the way he is :)

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  14. I have boys. They both have red hair like me and are very tall like their father. We are in the teen stage - and they have both dyed their hair (blue and purple) and they often dress in rags because it's the look they're after. I struggle to see through that look sometimes to the beautiful people they're becoming!!

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  15. This is great. You got what you wanted in a way. A lovely daughter.

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  16. I swear as im reading this I felt as if you were writing about my life with my daughter, she is opposite of everything I pictured and still somehow is everything i never knew i wanted and more, i just stumbled upon your blog thru pinterest

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