Sunday, May 17, 2015

I must be a horrible third time mom...

...because late the other night, while I lazily read through my Facebook feed, I came across a wonderful friend of mine's post about her son's first birthday. She had thrown him a family birthday party, with handmade decorations, treats and sweets. She's even a photographer and took the most amazing pictures of the event. Gah, at that time of night and after the day I had had, I was feeling pretty crappy, even though it was my decision to bypass the whole first birthday party thing and take a family trip to Hawaii. After all, I've done first birthdays with Heidi and Lukas and realized pretty quickly that the parties were for me and not for the one year old who's not going to remember a thing...unless you have sweet pictures of the whole thing *sigh.

But the fact she threw this fun fest and captured the moments in beautiful pictures is not really what makes me feel like I could be a horrible third time mommy. No, the perfectly crafted hamburger cupcakes and smiling children are not what led me to really evaluate myself as a mother and how I'm parenting my third child. It was one innocent picture in the bunch, one I've seen done hundreds of times on Pinterest and other social media outlets that got my mind spinning.

The photo of the large chalkboard with the birthday boy's name atop and all the wonderful things about him and where he's at at this moment in his life, that was the culprit. You see, as I was reading about sweet Henry and how big he is, what his favorite books are, and all the words he can already say, I realized {almost like a giant light bulb exploded over my head} that I, in fact, do not know many of these things about my just-turned-one son.

Photo credit: Lindsey King
For starters, I must be a horrible mom because Jakob hasn't had his one year well-baby check yet, due to the fact that we were on vacation and then his doctor was on vacation. And because of this I'm not sure of his current weight or height. As for Jake's favorite book? Forget about it. I guess I could say it's whatever Lukas' favorite book is since I let him pick the bedtime books and I'm crazy stuck on teaching him the basics to reading before Kindergarten. I'm usually so tired by the time it's story time, I'm just glad they are both sitting still and listening to me read. 

I could tell you his nicknames, that's easy, and all the things he likes. But as for favorite foods, now this one got me thinking. I mean, this kid happily eats everything. I couldn't just pick a few things to be his favorite. But maybe he has one and I'm not paying attention? That makes me a horrible mom. And unlike little Henry, Jake is not talking with words yet. He still just babbles {loudly}. I never even realized this until I read this that night. With Heidi and Lukas, I was crazy about teaching them to talk and meet every milestone before they were suppose to. With Jake, sure I talk to him, read to him, sing to him, but he is not talking yet; and I seem to be ok with that. He can say mama and dada but not directed at us. He can say "row" as in "row, row, row your boat" since I know that's his favorite song. But there are no other words. What does that say about me?

I would have to say that as far as transitioning from two kids to three, it was easy. Jakob just meshed right into our family and living situation. I'm not stressed out, I'm not overwhelmed the majority of the time, and I've really figured out what things are important and what things I can pass on while raising my children. Do I feel bad for missing some of these things I probably should know about my baby on his first birthday? Oh heck yes! And had I been like this with my first I probably wouldn't have had more children. But I know now {after doing/knowing these things with the first two} that some of these things just aren't the most important priorities at the moment, for me. 

So, where as I did feel pretty down in the whole motherhood department the other night and questioned myself as a parent, I have now come to the conclusion that I'm not a horrible mom {I mean, hey, at least I recognize that I don't know his favorite book} but still a mom in progress and doing the best I can with each of my children's individual needs.

For more pictures and details about Henry's birthday and to see more of Lindsey's photos, please visit her at www.lindseykingphotography.com.

26 comments:

  1. I didn't even want to do a first birthday for my second son. We have too many toys, it's a lot of work, and he just doesn't care. At almost three, my oldest is now really into birthday. Now I actually am looking forward to doing something for him. As to the stat thing, I looked at those for my youngest since they are big now and didn't know half of that. He had just started crawling, had no words and no real favorites of anything.

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    1. Thank you sharing your experience. I also look forward to the older kid's birthdays because they enjoy them and I know they will have a great time with their friends. xx

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  2. I have five kids and I always say to people, that I've stopped counting at three. The fact that you have three kids and all of them are loved makes you an excellent mom.

    I love going all out for birthday parties, because I feel that is the one day that is just about you. It is important to have a day that you are celebrated when there are so many people in a family, but that is my choice and it should not make any other mother fell 'less than'.

    I love her board, but if you ask me what each of my children weight at birth I have to think awhile before I tell you, so what I'm actually trying to say is, great job MOM. You love your kids and that is enough.

    Stopping by from the Manic Monday Blog Hop.

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  3. My youngest (of 2) turned one last week and I was surprised how different it was from my first. Even though it was a small party, I planned my oldest's for month. I have a thousand pictures of every moment of that day. For my second, I didn't even want to plan it. It felt more like letting go of babyhood and this time that isn't what I wanted. We love them just as much we're just in a different spot with each of them.

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  4. I often struggle with doing the same for my younger as I did for my older son.....on good days I realize it's not possible, and they each get what they need and things that are special and just for them. There are plenty of days when i make myself crazy trying to do it all and then some, though!

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  5. I admire you but I wonder how much your kids know about you! Quiz them and blog their answers.. Then you wont feel so bad! haha.. Your favorite movie, what they think you do while their at school, your favorite food etc. Now that's a blog post I'd love to see! :)

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  6. It's never a good idea to compare....especially at only 1 year old! You will probably even out by the time the boys get to high school. By then there will be things she will wish she could forget ;) Everything evens out in the end.

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  7. Found you in bloggers' brags linkup. Hi there! :)

    Don't beat yourself. You have three kids - not an easy thing at all. I have just one and her 1st birthday party was nothing fancy. I am not a party planner, neither I aspire to be one.
    Your little 3rd one, will catch a lot of words and knowledge from his older siblings and that is part because of all the work you did to teach them.

    You are doing fine. :)

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  8. Oh, you sound completley FINE! Like what other commenters are syaing, hes only 1! I think the first clue to knowing you're a good Mom is, how concerned you are if you're not :)

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  9. I'm glad that FB hadn't taken off when my daughter was a baby, she's 13 now. I can't even imagine the mom-guilt I would have felt! There's always going to be some stuff I could have/could do better, but we all do the best we can. As long as your kids are happy and healthy, we should count ourselves lucky!

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  10. I feel that way sometimes and I only have two.. but I did way less with my daughter than I did with my son. That bday party was pretty cute.. haha.. but I am sure Hawaii was worth it!

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  11. You're a great mom because you're doing what would make your kids happy whether it's a small or big party or letting your children learn at their own pace. Great job mom!

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  12. I love that sign! It's such a great idea for a first birthday.

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  13. You are a great time! Don't worry. Birthday parties are over-rated.

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  14. I have 3 kids. My 3rd born is my boy. I had big b-days for all 3. I wrote down their favorite things in a baby book...that's about it. Don't compare yourself to others. I make fart noises with my now 4 year old, we read books A LOT and we sneak special treats from the bakery when the big sisters are at school. Those are some of the ways I make memories and bond with my little man. I couldn't tell you what his favorite book is and that's ok (:

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  15. I can totally relate to this - my friend with her first baby has been planning his birthday for 6 months!

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  16. If you love your child and spend time with your child that's all that matters. If you didn't write every little detail down for your son it's okay. The more kids you have the busier life gets! Just be the best Mom you can be and love your children!

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  17. The fact that you became emotional about the situation shows you are a very caring, loving Mom! Like you said, who really remembers their 1st birthday! The experiences and love you share with your children on a daily basis, are far more important and beneficial. Hugs

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  18. I can totally relate to this and I am just on to my second! I had two people ask me today how much my son (9 months) weighed and I had no idea! I felt guilty for a second, but I know he is loved and thats all that matters at this point. Now when he is 9 years old that may be a different story :) Hope you enjoyed Hawaii!

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  19. Ahh what a heart felt post, you totally aren't a horrible third time mum you are just getting on with life, things change as you throw more kids in the mix and all that matters is that you love them all and they each know that. Plus what kid can say well you had a first birthday party but I got taken to Hawaii? Definitely wins ;-) xx

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  20. I know what you mean, and I've only got one! Don't stress about it. As long as your kids are healthy and loved, you are a great mom!

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  21. Haha, I went over the top with my third daughter this year, but if it makes you feel better, I plan on doing next to NOTHING until she understands what a birthday is. Is that terrible? Meh, third kid.

    ;)

    (following you from Tuesday Talk Link up!)

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  22. You are not a horrible mom. You are a realistic mom. And that is so much better than a birthday party!

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  23. Don't stress yourself out, you are doing great. I like to tell myself, that as long are my kids are happy, I must be doing something right.

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  24. My second child, the birthday party was no-fuss and not over the top. I think we all learn from experience it's all about the kids and how ,ugh they are having, not all the extra stuff we stress about. For my sons recent birthday, we had it at an indoor trampoline place with pizza and cupcakes. But the thing I love the most about it? All the kids were happy and I was not as stressed at the end of the day.

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  25. My mom told me recently that she refused to have birthday parties for me until I turned 3. And even then, it was just family and a couple of close friends, and not that big. The 1st birthday parties I've been to, the kids are either asleep or crying or fussy. And could care less about all the stuff!! So it sounds to me like you're doing just fine

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