So, a couple of months ago, after I moved to Chicago, I decided I was going to make a conscience effort to live a bit more in the moment and not so much in the future or the past. I have always had a tendency to dwell on things that have already happened and worry about things that are to come. I never really cared much about these tendencies, until I realized that I wasn't really enjoying my actual life. My kids...my marriage... myself.
I'm sure so many of us are in the same boat. We have to plan because we have careers, kids, whatever takes us to the next day. If we didn't plan, our life would seemingly fall apart. At least mine would. I take comfort in knowing what's coming next, especially where my kids are concerned. But in always looking forward to whats coming and constantly focused on what needs to get done, I missed out on all the little things that make up my day... the cuddles, the laying around and talking with my kids about absolutely nothing that's going to effect anything, or just sitting and watching the leaves blow and birds fly. Now, some of that seems like quite the waste of time, but it's actually better for overall health.
I'll be honest, I have been struggling the last few months, particularly emotionally. I can say that these months have been some of the hardest in my life. I won't go into details as to why but there were a number of factors that just all piled up and took me down. Way down. After some soul searching, reading, and time alone, I've decided I really need to live more in the moment and take in all the little aspects of my life. Not an easy feat for me. But I'm embracing more than I ever have. Instead of looking at motherhood as a sometimes stressful job that I sometimes wished would end, I'm actually enjoying it. I'm working on my marriage -which was at an all-time low- and trying to work on myself.
There are always going to be hard parts to life, and even during what should be the happiest times in our lives we can be feeling at our lowest. If you take anything away from this emo-vent post, just know that every day is a new day to make it seem right and happy and wonderful. Enjoy this day because this day will never happen again and you might miss something great.